THE BAGPIPER

This is a beautiful story of a bagpiper who was late for a funeral.
As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a
graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the remote countryside and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost and being a typical man, did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour
late. I saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the
hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side
of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place.
I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long but this was
the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating
their lunch. I played out my heart and soul.

As I played the workers began to weep. I played and I played like I’d
never played before, from Going Home and The Lord is My Shepherd to
Flowers of the Forest. I closed the lengthy session with Amazing
Grace and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of
the workers saying to another, Amazing, I have never seen nothing like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years!?

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wha’s like us?

DAMN FEW AND THEY’RE A’DEID

The average Englishman in the home he calls his castle, slips into  his national costume — a shabby raincoat — patented by Chemist Charles Macintosh from Glasgow, Scotland.En route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland.

He drives an English car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop, Veterinary Surgeon of Dreghorn, Scotland.At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers, Bookseller and Printer of Dundee, Scotland. During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.

At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of Thornhill, Dumfriesshire, Scotland. He watches the news on T.V. an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.

Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots.

He has by now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot — King James VI — who authorised its translation.

He could take to drink but the Scots make the best in the world.  He could take a rifle and end it all but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.

If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table injected with Penicillin, discovered by Sir Alexander  Fleming of Darvel, Scotland and given Chloroform, an anaesthetic discovered by Sir James Young Simpson, Obstetrician and Gynaecologist of Bathgate, Scotland.

Out of the anaesthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was as safe as the Bank of England founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland. Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of guid Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask –
wha’s like us?

T.Anderson Cairns & Co., Scotland

The Originator

Who invented that? It was T. Anderson Cairns.

Tom Anderson Cairns was born in 1930 in Rutherglen, Scotland. He trained inGlasgow as a Physiotherapist and subsequently joined the Royal AirForce. Tom spent 10 years in the RAF and had the time of his life. Hetravelled extensively and revelled in the distinctiveness of peoples throughoutthe world, including even, those from England(!). Tom was an outgoing,sociable man who enjoyed the art of conversation; normally over a whisky ortwo! Throughout his life, Tom pursued his interests in photography, Scottishhistory and football(!). In 1979, while he was working as a physiotherapist inGlasgow, Tom published his famous prose “wha’s us?”

For the next 15 years, Tom supplied postcards, greetings cards, tote bags andother Scottish mementoes to Scots throughout the world. Tom enjoyed a very special relationshipwith his customers with whom he regularly corresponded over a number of years. Sadly, after ashort illness, Tom passed away in 1994, leaving 3 grown up children and 6 grandchildren. Inkeeping with his wishes, his family continue to supply “wha’s like us?” products. The products are,understandably, as popular today as they were some 20 years ago.